Today is a landmark day for our company: we have begun expanding our operations internationally. We have distributed a press release that is guaranteed to pick up national attention, but I wanted you, our loyal readers and followers, to know about it as soon as possible.
Read the full release below, leave me a comment to let me know your thoughts, and stay tuned for further details on this.
Mercantile Capital Corporation Reports International Expansion
ALTAMONTE SPRINGS, Fla. — Mercantile Capital Corporation, which primarily specializes in U.S. Small Business Administration (SBA) 504 loans for small business owners who want to acquire or develop their own facilities, reports it has begun expanding internationally. Chief Executive Officer, Chris Hurn, reports that a little-known section of their financing enables commercial loans to be made outside of the U.S.
“An intern of ours was recently reading our extensive lending manual and found this ‘loophole’ on page 1,293, section 401, paragraph 10 which states that, ‘In times of international economic crisis… may use authorized funds, in conjunction with third-party lenders, to capitalize eligible projects in foreign jurisdictions.’ It’s like the Marshall Plan of the 21st century, but no one had previously thought to trigger this provision,” Hurn said.
As trail-blazers in the commercial lending arena, and by most economists’ estimation, still a time of “international economic crisis,” MCC is spearheading these efforts and becoming the “beta- testers” for this previously unused international lending provision. As such, MCC has carefully selected a handful of countries on which to focus their initial efforts. The announced list of countries which will soon see MCC funding, include the following: Iceland; Greece; and Russia; and a handful of other countries characterized by MCC officials as “sub-Saharan.”
According to various MCC officials, Iceland is the primary country on which MCC will focus its efforts. One of the reasons Iceland’s economy got into so much trouble over the past two years involved the purchase of credit default swaps, often detrimental to entire Icelandic villages who bought these from the likes of Goldman Sachs and others. According to one unnamed MCC source, “They view their involvement there as an, exportation of the best of American small business financing, mixed with the emergence of some measure of American imperialism.”Mr. Hurn has been meeting in private for the past couple of months with Iceland’s President, Olafur Ragnar Grimsson, in Reykjavik and also in Sanford, Florida [Iceland Air has had direct flights between the two cities of Sanford and Reykjavik for nearly 5 years]. Mr. Hurn’s clandestine meetings have also involved other Icelandic officials such as Fishery Minister, Jon Bjarnason, and even Russian Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin.
At this time, MCC is pleased to announce the closing of their first commercial loan under this program for the Reykjavik National Fish Cannery and Holistic Day Spa. This loan is for 11,753,000 Icelandic Kronur with the proceeds to be used for renovation and modernizing of the cannery and spa. Smari Gudjohnsen, President of the fish cannery and spa, commented, “As Icelanders get back to our fishing roots and away from our banking aspirations, it’s good to have friendly Americans use their financing knowhow to help us develop our cannery and spa into a cannery and spa for the new millennium.”
“CanSpas,” as they are known in Iceland, are very popular due to the abundance of rare Icelandic suphuric mud mixed with Omega-3-rich native Icelandic codfish such as Roughhead Grenadier and Blue Ling. “This is what Icelanders do when we aren’t working … or buying credit default swaps. We go to CanSpas,” said Fishery Minister Bjarnason. The loan proceeds from MCC are also expected to accelerate the exporting of this national Icelandic “treasure” to other countries.
Mr. Hurn remarked that financing small businesses’ commercial property needs in Greece would be a great opportunity to help in a country where their economy is in “dire need,” and being a part of the European Union, it will serve as a launching pad for the rest of Europe. “I am very excited to loan money to the Greeks because from the pictures I’ve seen, so many of their buildings need enclosing and so many more seem to be in total disrepair.” He also indicated that Special Projects Manager, Nikos Triadis, the only MCC employee fluent in Greek, will head this up.
Regarding Russia, Mr. Hurn commented that, “But for MCC credit analyst, Yelena Sulyagina, who grew up in Russia, we wouldn’t even bother with that country because of the insipid corruption and unstable political future.” But Mr. Hurn went on to say, “Yet, this endeavor can only help bring me get closer to Roman Abramovich” [one of the biggest oligarchs in Russia and the owner of his beloved Chelsea Football Club].
Mr. Hurn has also indicated that their crackerjack intern (who remains anonymous as this individual is still in high school) is nearly three-quarters finished reading the new health care legislation recently passed by both houses of Congress and signed into law earlier this week by President Obama [making him one of the few citizens, though not yet eligible to vote, to have read the new law word-for-word either in or outside of Washington, D.C.]. He is confident based on the intern’s recommendations that MCC will soon be entering the medical field, and they have commenced the incorporation of “Mercantile Medical” as a wholly-owned subsidiary of Mercantile Capital Corporation.
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